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Saturday, April 23, 2011

Thursday Thirteen: Excerpts From Classified Sections Of City Newspapers

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale

3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Happy Wordless Wednesday!!



Wednesday, April 13, 2011

TT - Have you ever wondered??

- Can you cry under water?

- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

- If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

- Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

- Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

- What did cured ham actually have?

- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

- If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

- Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON television?

- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

WW



Saturday, March 26, 2011

Cat Contemplation - 2

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." --Anonymous

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonymous

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." --Jeff Valdez

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." --English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." --Ellen Perry Berkeley

"One cat just leads to another." --Ernest Hemingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." --Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." --Joseph Wood Krutch

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." --Faith Resnick

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." --Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." --Hippolyte Taine

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

13 Ways to be Annoying

* Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

* ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

* Pay for your dinner with pennies.

* Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

* Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

* Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

* At the laundry mat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

* As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

* Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

* Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

* Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

* Name your dog "Dog."

* Ask people what gender they are.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

TT - All quotes by Albert Einstein

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"

"The must incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible."

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

"Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value."

"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love."

"You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother."

"The wireless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat."

"When asked how World War III would be fought, Einstein replied that he didn't know. But he knew how World War IV would be fought: With sticks and stones!"

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S RELATIVITY."

"Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."